A Comedic Poem About America's Fave Pastime (No, it's not about porn)
You know, the other thing with balls, crotch grabbing and long, stiff, erect-- ah, forget it...
Hey, remember “Casey at the Bat” and how that mighty man struck out, and Mudville had a sad? Well, it’s 2024, and Mudville’s shed so many tears over the years, the mud’s turned into a thin liquid ooze. But enough about politicians…
Let’s see what Mudville’s minor league baseball franchise is up to these days, shall we?
“Switch-hitter Thad Knows the Score”: A Nine Inning Poem
1st Inning
The game has changed
Yes, Mudville too
The past’s estranged
It’s done, we’re through!
The world’s deranged
Loose, like a screw
2nd Inning
Old Casey’s dead
Meet Grandson Thad
Let it be said
His play’s not bad
Skills! He doth shred!
But tale turns sad
3rd Inning
Pro scouts on deck
Thad wants to sign
A big old check
Will stars align?
Thad cranes his neck
Chicks swoon: “He’s fine!”
“Nice!” shouts Bill Veeck***
“Kid’s a gold mine!”
4th Inning
It all worked out
For Thad at least
‘ville’s fans cry, pout
Thad was their beast
“Enjoy,” says scout
“Life’s one big feast
With big league clout.”
5th Inning
First night, pro ball
Thad lands on base
Three cheers and all
Fame’s thin like lace
So came the fall
Thad’s game is ace
His IG posts—filled with un-PC gall!
Hit the skids, kid! Set stun gun to erase!
6th Inning
Banned from the game
No cheers to bask
Canceled with shame
“He won’t wear mask!”
“Says BLM is lame!”
“Kissed fan, sans ask!”
“Boys, girls, not same?!!”
“More cops on task?!!”
7th Inning Stretch
Thad on the street
Living like squirrel
No food to eat
Once king, now earl
So weak, so beat
Can’t do arm curl
All bone, no meat
“I… throw… like… girl.”
Wait, wait, repeat!
“I throw like… girl?”
It sounds so sweet:
“I! Throw! Like! Girl!”
8th Inning
They call him “They”
Once called him Thad
He’s trans not gay
And one smart lad
9th Inning
They Casey smiles and steps up to bat
Waits on an oh-so-slow pitch from Pat
So after his fall, They heeded the call
To star in Women’s Pro Softball!
GAME OVER
(***Pronounced “Veck.” If you know baseball, you’ve heard of Bill Veeck. Of course, if you know baseball, you’re also familiar with falling asleep for hours in front of a blaring TV.)
Check out ClownWorld Shakespeare’s Instagram…..
“Kissed fan, sans ask!”
Luis Rubiales can relate.
I enjoyed the nine-inning structure. And, tossing in Bill Veeck was a nice touch. I encountered Veeck back in the early 1980's in the centerfield bleachers at Wrigley Field - probably pushing 80 years old, and shirtless - that was a scene, man!